We’ve been trying for nearly three months to get the Reprographics section of Goldsmiths to remove a huge outmoded (and non-functioning) Xerox™ machine from the middle of our main office in CCS. Literally dozens of emails, visits, imploring calls and no joy. Today we arc up the campaign by sending them this letter:
Infidels. This is a Ransom Note.
We have your polluting bourgeois heathen capitalist running dog of a photocopier and will torture it mercilessly unless you arrange an immediate hostage exchange.
We attach a recent photograph as proof this infidel is in our possession. If you ever want to see it again, act quickly. We start cutting off its parts at sunrise.
– the CCS office space liberation committee (M-L – 17th September faction).
[Never let it be said that we concern ourselves with trivia. But I mean, for the love of Xog]